Welcome to the second post in the series ‘Saying NO to your Child’. In the first post, we discussed about the power of NO and the impression of NO on Parents and Kids. We are now aware, why kids are very happy to say NO but not ready to hear a NO. And why parents hesitate to say NO to their children. Now in this post, we will be exploring the REASONS why parents should say NO to their children.
It is always difficult to say NO to our loved ones. The fear of ruining our child’s pleasure makes many of us to surrender with a YES, where we actually want to say a NO. A NO, can briefly hurt your children but for sure will build a strong character in them on a long run!
7 Reasons why Parents should say NO to their Children
Children are very sensitive when they hear a NO for toys, favorite food/dress or for simply anything they wish to have. We cannot blame them as they don’t have the maturity to understand situations or the good and the bad. It is the responsibility of us, as parents to explain our children why they cannot have or cannot do certain things at certain times. Of course this requires a lot of patience. There is no point in giving up, if we wish to raise well-behaved, well-mannered and optimistic kids.
Following are some of the reasons why Parents should say NO to their Children. We will look at them in detail.
#1 To make them realize Instant Gratification is not always possible
We are living in an instant world. Whatever we wish to have is in the tip of our fingers. We are loosing patience, tolerance and the reward of delayed gratification.
Unfortunately our children are growing in this impatient world amidst the fallacious belief that anything and everything is possible this very moment.
We parents, also fuel this credence by making sure all the desires of our children are met, sometimes on demand and most of the time even before our kids demand. We think we are making their life easy but unknowingly setting a big threat for their future.
Don’t feel guilty about delaying gratification for your child. You are only making your child to learn an important life lesson.
Never give up what you want MOST for what you want NOW
Let them learn to delay their pleasure to enjoy a bigger reward on the long run. Let them understand the importance of patience and contentment. Let your children learn and enjoy the sweetness of delayed gratification.
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#2 To teach the difference between Needs and Wants
Children cannot differentiate what they need and what they want. All they know is, “I like this and I should have this”. We never utter a NO for their demands and accomplish them irrespective of the importance and necessity of their carvings. We are not letting our children know the difference between NEEDS and WANTS. This is one of the main reasons why parents should say NO to their children.
Say NO to their demands whenever necessary and let them interpret which is their Need and which is their Desire. Also let them understand they cannot avail all that they desire instantly. Let them understand the value of people, time, things and money.
Let the children perceive that needs are our basic necessity and wants can be delayed and possessed whenever feasible.
#3 To prepare them to manage their emotions
The art of managing one’s emotions is a pretty complex theory. Even not all the adults are able to control and handle their emotions all the time. At many instants, we scream, cry, blow out in anger and couldn’t take our disappointments easily.
Managing emotions becomes easier if we build it from the very young age. An obstinate child will feel difficult to handle failures in future life and work. He/She will be distressed easily and will not have the strength to tackle the stumbling blocks.
Don’t restrain your kids only to positive emotions like Happy , Pleasant, Satisfaction, Triumph, Amusement and Enjoyment. Let them also feel Sorrow, Disappointment, Anger, Frustration and Grief.
Teach them which is good and which is bad, how to express each emotion and how to handle them. Managing emotions is one of the vital reasons why parents should say NO to their children.
Whenever you think you should say NO to your child, just say it. Let them feel the anger, disappointment, frustration and sorrow. Instead of reacting to their emotional blows, be patient and explain why they were not getting what they desired. Speak in the child’s language and guide them on how to handle and accept such disappointments.
Your child will eventually learn the art of managing emotions. With this, in future, they will have control over their Life rather than the Life controlling them.
#4 To inspire them to make decisions
By teaching your children how to manage emotions, you indeed teach them how to make decisions. Which is good and which is bad? What is the right thing to do in a particular situation?
Once you start saying NO to your child, there is no wonder you have to face a more than usual number of tantrums. But once you cross those hurdles with a strong heart( possibly a stone heart), soon the kids will be getting used to it. They will understand, ‘Ok! I am not supposed to do this. This is not good for me. This is not the right moment.’
Their little minds will soon be ready to make decisions.
Children will be capable of deciding which is right or wrong even in the absence of their parents.
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#5 To inculcate positive virtues and good manners
Your NO to your children can instill numerous positive virtues and good manners in them. They will get to know the do’s and dont’s for a perfect life.
Children will learn to be flexible, have self-control, develop patience, gain self-discipline and much more.
This is one of the predominant reasons why parents should say NO to their children. By this, you give them the opportunity to develop good deeds as they grow.
#6 To foster the etiquette in public places
Handling toddler tantrums is the most toughest job for any parent. And the kids are so very brilliant that they know very well when to throw a tantrum. Public places are their favorite destinations. They know their parents will not deny their wish when they demand in public. A little crying and shouting will help.
We cannot blame the kids for this, as we parents have implanted that notion in the little minds.
The very first time they start a tantrum in a public place, we fear to say NO as it will increase their vexation more and result in a big scene.
We end up fulfilling their extraneous demands rather than making them to learn, how to behave in public places.
Setting the expectation in prior can help. Like, where you are going and what you are intending to do or buy, a firm NO to any tantrums in public places, stressing that it will make no changes to their plan and all other required instructions. It may not be easy in the first place, but soon kids will learn the etiquette.
#7 To introduce a Happy Healthy Life
Finally to introduce a happy, healthy life to your children, you should be uttering reasonable NO’s at reasonable moments. By insisting a NO, you prepare them to handle the challenges life will be throwing at them, in a much better and effective way.
Remove the guilt of temporarily hurting your children and create a permanent, strong foundation for their Happy Healthy Life.
This is not the end of the list and we have many more good reasons why parents should say NO to their children whenever it is needed and necessary. Please feel free to add your reasons in the comments section.
Look out for my next post in this series in which I will discuss the right ways of saying NO to your child!
Posts in the series ‘Saying NO to your Child’
- Saying NO to your Child – Impression of NO on Parents & Kids
- 7 Reasons why parents should say NO to their children
- 6 Right ways to say NO to your Child
- 5 Skills needed to succeed in saying NO to your Child
- 9 Prominent Reasons why Saying No to Your Child is not Working
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Image credits : Main image by gawnesco via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND ; Realize Instant Gratification is not always possible by kayeboo16 Flickr via Compfight cc ; Manage Emotions by sean dreilinger Flickr via Compfight cc ; Pursue Etiquette in Public places by SleepingSeasons Flickr via Compfight cc ;
Note : Added text to the original images used in this post.
Yes! saying no to children is very important. It may seem harsh at that time but for the overall betterment or our children it works best.
Menaka Bharathi has recently published http://simpleindianmom.in/winter-travel-destination-plans-gulmarg
Thanks for stopping by Menaka!