With all the strenuous effort that goes with raising twins, we tend to forget some minor yet more significant factors. One such point is fostering individuality in twins. Most of the twins are bound to do similar activities in a similar way. To quote it simple, they inevitably follow each other in many aspects of their childhood. For their mature and independent life, it is essential to inculcate individuality in twins as early as feasible. You need to ease their dependency and shape them to be more self-reliant.
Encouraging Individuality in Twins
When I say, ‘Everything goes together with Twins’, it doesn’t mean twins will be invariably of the same nature and personality. Many twins who are even identical, will have drastic differences in their character and behavior. Still they will have an inner drive to shadow each other.
Our parenting style also contributes much for this dependency. To make things easier with twins, we make them eat, sleep, play and do every other activity in a routine. Running on a schedule is inevitable when you have twins. But the most precious bond they develop as twins also poses a challenge when they grow up. Their minds will be tuned to think and act alike overpowering their self interests and passion. That being said, you should help them to cherish the twin bond and yet bring out their originality and uniqueness.
Here are few ideas to encourage individuality in twins.
#1 Describe the boundaries of Twin Bond
As I expounded earlier, twins will have the disposition to do every single thing in a more identical way. Their minds will be adapted to the routines and schedules. You have to sit down and explain there is typically no necessity to follow each other’s likes and doings.
Assist them in identifying the boundaries of their twin bond. Let them know the value of the precious bond they share as twins. Go ahead and indicate, “This doesn’t stop you from pursuing your own interests”. They should discern the fact,
We are TWINS!
Still we are DISCRETE!
#2 Relax your comfort level
It will be certainly more of a work, to stimulate your twins in their dissimilar areas of interests. You have to spend double the time, juggle between different coaching sessions, cater to their conflicting needs and still cope up with the family essentials.
Letting them engage in the same kind of activity may save your time and sanity. But you will end up compromising their genuine love for something. To instill individuality in twins you may have to undergo some really hard work.
Relax your comfort level.
Motivate them to pursue their unique passion.
Recommended : 11 skills you develop from Raising Twin Toddlers
#3 Invest in One-on-One times
With twins, it will always be threesome(twins + mom/dad). You will very rarely have one-on-one times with your kids. But they need a space to think out of their twin world.
Whenever I take one of my twins alone for sometime, within moments he will shoot me the question ” What will he be doing now mama?”. The same happens with my other twin. Being together right from their mother’s womb, its much evident that they cannot stay away for long and neglect thinking about each other and their activities.
Pre-plan and devote more time with your twins individually.
Understand their ability, strengths and interests.
Help them to travel in the path they desire.
#4 Let them explore numerous options
Dispense various options to kindle the interest of your twins. For instance, when you are introducing them to sports, expose them to every possible game like tennis, basket ball, cricket, football, swimming, soccer and more. One may be intrigued with basket ball while the other may be captivated to swim.
Motivate them to choose the one which fascinates and interests them more. Again make clear there is no compulsion to go by the selection of their twin sibling.
An abundance of choices will ignite their curiosity and open the door for self-determination.
#5 Never compare their activities
In general, comparison between any siblings is not a good way of parenting. When you have twins, you will be inevitably comparing them in every facet of their life. It is simply natural, as the kids are of same age. Still you need to be more attentive and try to avoid comparing your little ones and specifically restrain yourself from delivering comments weighing their differences.
When you throw a comparative judgement, it sends a wrong signal to your twin kid. He starts believing that he is expected to do what his twin sibling does. He assumes that he has to gear up and cope with his twin sibling’s abilities. This perfectly ruins his individuality.
Comparison will not let your twins unfold their distinctive personality.
#6 Encourage them to develop a unique style
May be due to the craziness of having twins or for overcoming any tantrums among them regarding who wears what, you may be dressing your twins alike. However this can have an enormous impact on their psychology. They will reckon that they have to trail around with the same style and looks.
Yet again give them more alternatives and let them opt. Make them wear the attire of their choice, a unique hair style, distinctive shoes and more. Individuality in twins should also reflect in their appearance.
Induce them to come up with their own exclusive identity.
#7 Clearly distinguish their belongings
Sharing is one good virtue that naturally comes with twins. Of course you cannot buy everything in double and you encourage them to divide all those things whichever is shareable. This saves your pocket and also teaches them a good life lesson.
Still after they reach a certain age, it will be wise to let them keep hold of certain stuffs personally for each of them. By this, they will also learn to be independent and take care of their property.
By holding their own belongings, they will pursue how to be self-reliant.
#8 Motivate them to have their own group of friends
Twins are best friends forever. They will always roam around with the same set of friends. But encourage them to have their own pals by letting them to involve in different play groups or community.
There is a famous quote, “Show me who your friends are, and I will tell you what you are. – Vladimir Lenin.” So friends are the reflection of one’s personality.
Individuality in twins can be inspired by choosing their own like-minded friends.
#9 Appreciate them individually
To make sure you are not upsetting one twin by praising the other who has performed exceptionally well in something, you may appreciate them both and surprise them with similar gifts. This may let down the twin who had made a victory and imprint a mindset that we will always get a gift no matter whoever achieves. So celebrate their winning moments one at a time and buy them distinct gifts reflecting their interests.
Cherish their victories severally and let them solely engross the moment of celebration.
Recommended : 12 Ideas to handles Sleep Issues with Toddler Twins
#10 Provide needed and timely separations
This is the main point which will sculpt your twins as individuals. You have to separate them whenever and wherever needed. It may be in school or a vacation or a play date or a small outing or any other occasion.
A small separation will give the needed space for them to think beyond their twinning perspective. Their minds will be out of the twin box and start thinking for their own self.
Separating twins at the right places and for the right period is imperative to foster individuality in twins.
Right from the time I was carrying my twins in the womb, I was very clear that I should raise them as distinct individuals. But in reality it was not a piece of cake. The twin bond always triumphed over my countless attempts to inculcate individualism. Yet I am still striving hard to bring out their originality and some of the ideas I mentioned above are showing good results for us.
Twin bond is immensely precious.
Yet never let it conquer your twins discrete identity.
If you found this post worthwhile, please share it with your fellow twin parents.
I would also love to hear your views. How important is it to foster individuality in twins? What steps have you taken to implement it, which is working with your twin kids? Please share your cognizance in the comments section.
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Image credits : Main image by Donnie Ray Jones via flickr.com
These are some great tips! I think avoiding comparison is the key. I worry about that even between siblings; I can only imagine how it would feel as a twin mom. I also like your idea of giving them plenty of one-on-one time!
Thank you! Yup as twin moms It’s quite difficult. Even without our knowledge their dependency increases. We have to tweak it in their initial stages itself.
this is super informative! We have twins on my husband’s side of the family, so I’m always aware it could happen to us!
😊 Thank u!
Awesome tips, comparisons and individuality is a task when it comes to siblings even when they have a leap age gap.. i cam just wonder the curious case of twins.
Loved your listings of what and how shud handle the situation.
Thank u Dipika ! And yes it gets even tougher with twins.😩
These are good tips. I don’t have twins by my two youngest are very close together and I often find the littlest one especially mimicking her sister and losing her interests in her sister’s shadow. I will have to try some of these out, thanks for sharing.
True! That dependency happens naturally.
Excellent suggestions to develop individuality in twins.But definitely patents work is doubly challengimg. #BB
Yes Amrita! Thanks for stopping by!
Amazing tips to bring individuality in twins
Thank u!
This is a well thought out and sound ideas for developing individuality. I feel it can also be applied to any and all children, and even young adults.
Thank You! 🙂
Great post 🙂 I have b/g twins and they just turned four. They have many similar qualities, but I feel my daughter can break from that. My son, unfortunately, always looks at his sister to make the decision…but I also feel that if he chooses something his sister doesn’t like she has the biggest melt down and we all eventually give in…so he’s learned to avoid that by deferring to her… But we’ve been doing 1:1 outings since they were 1 years old and this year they are in different activities…dance for her and karate for him..the will do soccer together and probably swimming too. My daughter is already trying to make friends with other girls and I feel my son feels left out. It’s a hard balance for sure 🙂 Thanks for the tips!
Thank you Elna! So true! This dependency comes naturally and becomes unavoidable. We have to find different means to get them safely out of their twin comfort zone as and when necessary. Thanks for stopping by!
A very fine piece of writing. Individuality is very for twins to avoid issues in their relation in future.
Also, I completely agree with the point of personal space but, this concept should be introduced at a later age. For instance, consider this what if you start the concept of personal space at a very early and in future your kid starts to become a loner (worst case).
Hence my advice will be to start at an proper age. By the way I’m a Master’s in Clinical Psychology & have been working with differently-abled kids since last 1.5 years
Thank u for stopping by Jalaj Arora. I am glad you pointed out that age matters when providing personal space for the twins. I totally agree with you. We cannot separate them at a very early stage and the period of separation also matters. Personally, my kids were in the same class in playgroup and preschool for two years. Once they stepped into Lower Kinder Garden we decided to separate them so that they can start exploring themselves. Since they were used to schooling by then, the separation was smooth and they were able to manage without many difficulties. This separation at school has greatly helped them to identify their individual skills. After School, as always they enjoy their twin bond at home. Thanks again for ur inputs.