One of the most bewildering decisions to be made by twin parents is “Should we let them stay together in school or Should we separate them?” Once your twins are ready for their schooling, this query starts flashing in your subconscious mind now and then. Soon, you would find yourself discussing this often and may get showered with a lot of opinions. You would swipe through the internet reading numerous articles, you would argue the pros and cons for the umpteenth time. But have you made a decision yet? And are you confident about it? It’s not that easy, right?
We too had a hard time making this decision for our twins. It was nerve-racking and took a long time. Yet, now we are happy with what we have decided and it is showing good results for our twins. With the knowledge and experience I gained through this phase, I would like to share and help you in arriving at the right decision for your twins. So, Should you separate your twins in School or not? Let’s find out.
To set your expectations right, You won’t find a straightaway answer to your question in this article. Instead, this article will be a guide and take you through some basic steps, kindle your thoughts, so that you can come up with the right decision about your twins’ schooling.
Why this Confusion Arises?
As twin parents, we are fairly accustomed to the idea that we have to do everything the same way for our twins. Whether it is bathing, feeding or dressing the twins, everything should go on a schedule and almost alike. We are very keen not to discriminate against our twins even in the slightest way. We end up comparing every movement, reaction and activity of our twins and get worried if they are not in sync.
” Oh my one twin has started talking and the other just babble! “
” One loves food while the other is so fussy about eating! “
” He pooped and She didn’t! “
All these are truly natural and inevitable. You could never escape from such thoughts and worries about their milestones, behaviour and even poop routine.
It takes some years for us to discern “They are twins, still they are discrete!”. This realization knocks our minds once we start noticing the variation our twins show in their character, attitude, interests and everything else. This is where the confusion starts to develop.
Till now we were treating them alike and now they are showcasing different abilities and nature. They are going to step into their schooling which is the very foundation of their life.
” Will it do any good if they are staying together in school as well?
Or is it better if we separate them at school for their well being? “
The fact that they were born as twins is valuable in many ways. But this shouldn’t hinder their learning or disrupt their personality or the abilities they will develop as they get older. With this realization, erupts the confusion.
How can you decide which is best for your twins? Is it really necessary to separate your twins in school?
Should you Separate your Twins in School or not?
There are four steps involved in arriving at this significant decision. Let’s comprehend them one by one.
1. Get to know your Twins
Yes! Understanding your twins is the first step. Spend time with each twin. Observe and analyze their behaviour or character. Just because they look the same doesn’t mean they are the same. You will notice incredible differences even when they play.
You will find how independent they are. How determinant they are about something. Can they make their own decisions? Can they speak for themselves or give up easily?
- In many twins, you could observe this. One will be the leader and the other will be the follower. The follower twin will do everything the same way as the leader twin. It will be hard to find the follower twin’s individuality or talents.
- In some twins, both may be equally independent and determined and move socially with others as well.
- While in some cases both may be very possessive and wouldn’t try to engage with anyone other than their twin.
First, you have to perceive how each of the twins feels, behaves and reacts. This will aid you to decide whether to separate your twins in school or not.
Read: 6 Innocent mistakes made by Twin Parents and the Impact
2. Introduce Healthy Separations
Twins enjoy a special bond. They are always together. Especially during the first three years, almost all the twins would be spending every single minute together. They wouldn’t know how it would feel to be separated.
Certainly, school is not the first place where the twins have to be separated. This will create a negative idea about the school. You should introduce healthy separations well before you are planning to separate your twins in school.
You can let your twins stay apart for a few hours (once in a while) and see how they feel and react. This doesn’t mean you have to forcefully wrestle and pull them apart against their will. Make these separations short and beautiful so that they will explore and enjoy them.
The mother can take one twin for a play date while the father can take the other twin for an outing or stay back at home and engage in a play.
I get what you are thinking about now! Initially, I too saw this to be a bizarre situation and even felt guilty!
” Why should I separate them? They are so adorable together! “
But trust me, you are not doing any wrong by separating your twins. You are simply exploring an option if it will make their life better.
On separation,
- Some twins get upset and cannot cope with. They may start throwing huge tantrums.
- Whereas some twins do enjoy their alone time. They are not very dependent on each other and they explore this new world without their other twin.
- In some cases, one of the twins may be excited about the separation while the other could be feeling insecure.
Introduce these healthy separations now and then and observe them.
3. Interpret their Behaviour
With these little separation experiments, you will first give a chance for your twins to experience how things will be without their other twin. It may be difficult for them to commence with. But with such repetitive scenarios, they may come out of their twin world and start engaging with the outside world.
As for you, you will get to know how dependent are they on each other, how strong their emotional bonding is and how well can they handle the separation.
You will also get to know if the separation brings a positive change in your twins. Like does it improve their interpersonal skills or bring out their individuality.
And you should never conclude these things based on a couple of separations. As I said earlier, the initial few separations will be unpleasant. You can expect a change only after giving them multiple opportunities.
There are chances that even after numerous separations, your twins may not like to stay apart. This means they are still not mature enough to manage separation and it causes emotional stress for them.
4. It’s Decision Time
By now, you will have a very good understanding of your twins and their needs. You will also have a fair idea of what will be the right thing to do. Whether to separate your twins in school or not? Here I will give you some checkpoints to help you finalize your decision.
Separating your twins in school will help if,
- One of your twins is a follower and is lacking an individuality.
- You wish to let your twins strengthen and develop their unique skills and abilities without being compared all the time. (Constant comparison could make them unambitious)
- You wish them to be independent of each other and develop their social circle.
Read: Top 10 Ideas to motivate Individuality in Twins
But you can separate your twins in school ONLY if,
- Your twins can stay away for a few hours and are not very emotionally dependent on each other.
- You think your twins can handle the separation with some effort. (After an expected short period of initial setback which is normal, you are positive they will accept the change gradually without much stress.)
You should NOT separate your twins in school if,
- They are very emotionally attached and separation could induce acute stress.
- Even one of the twin is feeling insecure and suffers immensely with separation anxiety.
In the above two cases, you should consider waiting for a few more years before separating your twins in school. You can let them stay together for their pre-schooling. Then once they are mature enough maybe you can advocate and separate them in their primary school, if required.
There can be exceptions like,
- Twins who stay together like glue until their university education. Some twins do think and act alike. And they like to always keep it that way.
- Some parents don’t like to keep their twins apart. They like to cherish the special twin bond. This is perfectly fine. Even if your twins are emotionally strong and independent, still you can let them stay together for now. After they grow up, in case they express a wish to get into different classes you can separate them then.
- Some twins may be separated in school to start with. After a few years, a need may arise when you might think it is best for them if they stayed together in the same class. In that scenario, you can follow your instinct and certainly make the change. You cannot follow a single pattern throughout their schooling.
There is no straight answer to the question – Should your twins be separated in School or not? It DEPENDS. Every child is different so is every pair of twins. Each twin bond can be unique and distinct.
Only the Parents will know their twins well and can decide what is best for them. No article on the web or a third person or even the school can decide for you. There is no hardcore rule. You have to assess their needs and decide.
- Take time and go through each step.
- Study your twins’ attitude, behaviour, mental and emotional abilities.
- Brainstorm the pros and cons.
- Make the final decision.
- Watch their progress.
- You can always make a change if required.
If you think this article would help another twin parent in getting out of their ambiguity, please go ahead and share it.
If you have more ideas that will make life easier for twin parents about deciding on their twins’ schooling please share them in the comments section.
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Image Credits: Main image by DonnieRay from creativecommons via Flickr
After reading this article, I know that it will be best for my twins girls to be separated at school
Glad u were able to make the best choice for ur twins! 👍