Are you a mom who is struggling to cope with a newborn along with an emotionally disturbed toddler? You are not alone! Almost every parent with two kids experiences this hurdle. Taking care of the newborn and handling the dejected little heart of your firstborn will be certainly challenging. So how can you keep your toddler emotionally safe? Let’s check out some tips to mend that tiny crushed soul and make him feel equally loved.
The Terrible Twos
Your firstborn is always special. He is the one who first called you “mama” and made you sense the heavenly feeling of being a mother. You were showering your little one with undivided love, care and attention. But, once you welcome your second child things aren’t the same anymore.
Your so far cheerful toddler will be showing up some kind of rude behaviour which you may not comprehend. He will be irritated most of the time and often show his aggressiveness. You can sense the signs of “terrible twos”!!
This is when you should stay strong, handle fragile moments and keep your toddler emotionally safe. It can be incredibly difficult with the newborn around. But, you need to balance this out!
Keeping your toddler emotionally safe
Insecurity naturally builds up in children when your attention gets divided. They are not mature enough to express their longing to spend time with you and it is quite natural if they are throwing away too many tantrums. They are trying to seek your attention in every possible way. Let’s find out how you can help your kiddo and make him feel secure as good emotional health is essential for your child’s overall well being.
1. Minimize the “Big Brother” Talks
Of course, your toddler is now a big brother or sister. But don’t impose much of these responsibilities on his shoulders, early on. He cannot handle it. So, try to minimize talks like “You are his big brother, you should adjust!” or “You should not behave like a baby anymore!” or “You should try to be independent without mommy’s support”, etc.
Try avoiding such conversation as his tiny heart cannot cope with so many changes all at once. This may even backfire, by fueling his anxiety. Remember he is still a baby. So, treat him like one.
2. Schedule and Organize your Day
Pre-plan your day and set up a routine. Create a pattern for your newborn’s nap and feed timings. Babies tend to sleep more, so use the newborn’s nap times and have one-on-one sessions with your toddler child. Don’t compromise on the timings when your toddler will need you the most like his sleeping time, feeding time, etc.
Whenever you have to care for the baby, ensure that your toddler is engaged in some activity or busy playing with something.
Try to share the household chores with your partner so that both of you can spend time with the kids alternatively or seek some external help like appointing a maid to help you around the house. Once your toddler is assured that you will be spending time with him at regular intervals, he will cooperate with you willingly.
3. Never Turn a Deaf Ear to Your Toddler
Make sure you pay attention to your toddler’s conversation even if you are busy with your newborn. Retain a smile, look at him and maintain eye contact at frequent intervals and communicate with him genuinely.
Focusing and connecting with your kid while still holding your baby can be tough. This is when babywearing comes to your rescue. It will be a win-win for all three – you, your toddler and your newborn.
4. Involve Your Toddler in Nurturing the Newborn
Though toddlers are upset about having to share their mom’s love, still they are fascinated by the newborn. They will happily jump in, if you involve them in simple chores like getting a diaper or change of clothes for the baby, gently applying baby lotion along with you or any other simple task under your supervision. And don’t get mad if he is not handling things well. Explain to him in a soothing tone the dos and don’ts with the baby.
Encourage him to play or spend time with the baby like making funny faces and making the baby giggle, show her rattles and other baby toys etc. The more you involve him, the more he will start considering the baby as a part of him.
5. Get Out of Home
Include evening walks or playdates in your daily routine. While the toddler will be engrossed in playing with his mates the newborn will enjoy the outside world and you can relax with like-minded moms or friends. However, this idea should be considered only if the environment is completely safe for your kids (I am referring to the pandemic that has been stealing the fun out of our lives recently).
6. Don’t Hide the Concept of Breastfeeding
Don’t make breastfeeding a secret task and conceal it from your toddler. It will increase his curiosity and tantrums, thereby making things even more complex. He will assume that mommy is having a secret session with the baby and he is being ignored.
So, try to explain why you should breastfeed the baby in a way he will understand. But this may not go as smoothly as said. Be ready to face some awkward questions and suggestions. Once you have convinced him, try to deviate his attention. You can interact with him while nursing the baby by reading books or a little chit chat or by playing some word games.
These tips along with a bit of patience and assimilation will aid you to get your toddler to overcome his insecure feeling. He will start bonding with the newborn and you can be assured that your toddler is emotionally safe. And there you will have your “Blended and Happy Family”!
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Image Credits: Main Image by sathyatripodi from Pixabay; Pinterest Photo by Josh Willink from Pexels
* This article was originally written by me for the Babyonboard website.