Juggling between the twins to feed them, put them to sleep, change nappies, introduce solids, watch them roll over, sit, crawl and walk – Caring for the newborn twins through their first year is a Herculean task! Double the trouble! Oh, Wait! That’s not the end of the story! You are yet to tackle the next big hurdle – Twin toddlers fighting.
So far you were handling each of them almost individually. They wouldn’t have had much interaction among themselves. But as they get into toddlerhood, they start interacting. They communicate in their baby language and bond with each other bringing happy tears to your eyes. It is a delight to watch the little munchkins babble and play along. Unfortunately, things will not stay the same forever.
Pretty sooner they will start throwing things, pulling their hair, biting and hurting each other in unimaginable ways. Twin toddlers fighting is difficult to handle owing to the fact they are of the same age with the same maturity level. We cannot ask one of them to give up for the other just as we do with the singleton siblings (where we encourage the elder one to adjust). So how can you handle twin toddlers fighting?
Why do Twin Toddlers Fight?
Before intervening in your twin toddlers fighting incidents, you should understand why they fight. Why are they like born buddies at one moment and turn into sworn enemies in a fraction of a second? Here are some insights.
- They are of the same age. Their interest levels are the same. So they will have similar likes and dislikes.
- Sharing everything all the time may be tiresome. Right from cuddling with the parents to playing with a toy, they are often forced to share many things. This can get on their nerves and make them behave aggressively.
- Even if they don’t have to share and have identical toys, it’s natural for any child to get attracted to what the other one is having or doing.
- They cannot communicate their desires, anger or frustration through words.
- This can make them go physical with each other or throw tantrums. When they cannot speak they choose to use their hands or mouth to get what they want.
Having said that, how can you manage these never-ending battles? Here are some ideas that can help you.
How to Handle Twin Toddlers Fighting?
As much as you enjoy watching them play together it can be tiring to handle their constant fights. When you cannot leave them alone even for a minute not knowing when they will bounce on each other, you will be under immense stress. Check out these pointers which can relieve you from this continuous pressure.
A Phase
First, you should accept that this is a phase in your twin parenting life. You have to go through it. By preparing yourself mentally and with some pre-planning you can pass through this stage with minimal stress. Keeping your twin toddlers from fighting or hurting each other is not an easy task. Still, you can handle it.
No Hurting
Right from the start, you should send a strong signal that it is not ok to hurt each other. Say a firm NO. Show how you are not happy with this behaviour with your expression and body language. Make them understand how it harms the other twin and hurting is not admissible. Also, never spank the child for such behaviour. Then they will assume it’s ok to hurt when he or she is angry and continue doing it.
Make Space
Your twins need their discrete space. Try to move them away from each other for some time like putting them in separate rooms. Let them play alone. Now they will set out to explore their playthings without looking for what the other twin is having. This will reduce the possibility of your twin toddlers fighting. But beware this may not hold strong for a long time. Soon one or the other will start looking for their twin. They simply can’t stay apart from each other!!
Taking Turns
Bring in the habit of taking turns when your twins have to share something. You cannot get and should not get two of everything (As I said earlier, they will anyway fight for one, even if they have two of it). Inculcating this habit will help them a long way throughout their childhood. You can get a timer for implementing this. One twin can play with the toy until the timer is up and then pass it on to the other twin.
Time Out the Cause of the Fight
When a fight arises for a toy don’t time out the twins. Instead time out the cause of the fight, in this case, ‘the toy’. Remove the toy and place it away from their reach. Explain they cannot have the toy as they are not taking turns and playing with it. They should understand if they fight over something they will not get it. With practice, this will lessen your twin toddlers fighting moments.
Label Things
If you have bought two of the same thing, label them before giving them to your twins. You can colour code them or get that toy in two different colours so that they can easily recognise which toy belongs to whom. You can make them understand that they should play only with that toy which is given to them and not pick from the other twin.
Teach them to Communicate
As mentioned before, the reason your twin toddlers are fighting and hurting is that they can’t express themselves. You can teach your twins some ways to communicate their needs, desires or feelings. If they need something, you can teach them how to ask for it without grabbing or hurting. You can teach baby sign language for your twins when they are around 8 to 12 months. This will help them to communicate before they develop proper spoken language.
Don’t be Judgemental
When a fight erupts between your twins, try to address both their faults. Tell it’s not ok to hurt and it’s equally not ok to grab anything. Don’t compare or label one twin. This will have a long time impact on them psychologically. Even if one twin is always mean to the other, try to take him or her away from the situation, spend time, make eye contact and explain how his or her behaviour is not right.
Teach them Kindness and Gratitude
You can also show how giving can make them happier just like getting what they want. When one twin asks for something the other twin can willingly give it. And when he or she does this, you can encourage him or her by clapping and expressing happiness. The one who received the toy can show his gratitude by hugging and kissing the other twin. This will bring in a positive atmosphere and keep your twin toddlers from fighting. At least like a play, they will start doing these giving and thanking actions often.
Positive vs Negative Acts
You can show them how positive acts like hugging, kissing, smiling, laughing, and sharing bring happiness and make them feel good. Also, how negative acts like grabbing, biting, pinching, pulling, hurting, and crying bring sadness and make them feel bad. You can teach this through a play with emojis showing positive and negative emotions. You can also encourage their good behaviour by setting up a reward system like giving colourful attractive stickers.
Spend One on One Time
More than sharing the toys, the major issue for the twins is sharing their parents’ attention and love. Over some time, this longing to be with you can make them fight more or throw tantrums. If you can spend some time with each of them alone, they will feel calm and loved. So whenever possible each parent can engage with one twin, cuddle, play, tell stories and make them feel special.
These ideas could aid you to plan and manage your twin toddlers fighting episodes and lessen the stressful atmosphere in your home.
However, if they want to fight, they will fight!! No matter what techniques we use or how proactive we are, we cannot keep twins away from fighting all the time. We will have to calmly go through this phase with patience and understanding.
When we are enjoying double the love, we should be ready to face double the trouble!!
Shouldn’t we? By the time your twins cross their toddlerhood, you would have become a super parent and developed numerous skills. 🙂 So, Happy twin parenting! It’s time to relish with your twins.
If you found these ideas helpful and you know other twin parents, share this article with them and save their day.
Also, post your ideas on how to handle twin toddlers fighting in the comments section. This will add more value to this article.
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