Dominant and Submissive Twin Behaviour – How to Help your Twins? 2

Are you noticing behavioural patterns in your twins? One twin bossing around and the other one yielding to the pressure and demands! This dominant and submissive twin behaviour is quite common. Can this affect them in any way? Should you interfere or let them be themselves? Let’s figure it out. 

Twin Relationship

The bond between twins is inexpressible. Their relationship is so intricate that, at one moment it might seem tender and kind, and minutes later there will be unthinkable strife. Twins give and take a lot in their bond.

They may behave differently with other people, but when it comes between them, they develop specific personality traits towards each other. As they grow up we can notice such behavioural patterns. The most common among these is the dominant and submissive twin behaviour.

What is the Dominant and Submissive Twin Behaviour?

Among the twins, one can behave more commanding and the other twin can comply. You can notice this behaviour even from their toddlerhood.

The dominance and submissive behaviour in twins may not be the same under all circumstances. This means, that there is no need for the same twin to be dominant in all scenarios. There are three kinds of dominance.

Physical Dominance

This is the kind of dominance mostly seen in boy-boy or boy-girl twins. The bigger twin, one who is physically strong will try to fulfil his or her desires by showing physical aggression. This includes hitting, biting, pushing, threatening to hurt, and destroying the other twin’s possessions.

Sometimes the dominant twin need not be physically powerful, but will show physical dominance if they know the other twin is submissive and will not retaliate. 

Psychological Dominance

You may find that one twin will be the first to pick his or her choice, make decisions, give opinions or turn situations in his or her favour. They will try to manipulate and intimidate their co-twin in every possible way to get what they want. 

This dominance can disturb the mental health of both twins if it gets serious or carries forward into their adulthood.

The most dominant twins can become more anxious and nervous. The most submissive twins can suffer from depression. So it’s not good for both of them.

Verbal Dominance

One twin can be very outspoken and openly express his or her opinions or feelings. The verbally dominant twin can even talk on behalf of the other twin. 

For example, if you post a question to the other twin, the dominant one is more likely to answer you. This can create speech delay and even make the submissive twin reticent.

So these are the three areas where the twins may show their dominance or submissiveness.

Does this Dominant and Submissive Twin Behaviour Impact your Twins?

Sometimes it can be harmless while at times it can turn harmful. Let’s see when.

When is it Harmless?

There are some positive aspects to the dominant and submissive twin behaviour.

Twins have a mutual understanding and they complete each other. While dealing with others they work as a team and use their strengths to their benefit.

For instance,

• The physically dominant one will protect and save his co-twin from bullies.
• The submissive twin will nudge his other twin to behave empathetically and with compassion.
• The verbally dominant one will be supportive of her twin sibling and help him convey his opinion.
• The psychologically dominant one will be guiding and encouraging the submissive twin to get the best out of everything for them. 

Thus when they are handling things together, their dominant and submissive behaviour might turn to their advantage in certain ways.

Also as they grow up, the submissive twin will slowly start to voice his or her opinion, demand, and acquire his or her rights. Sooner or later you will not find any trace of dominant and submissive behaviour between them. 

In some twins, you can even find role reversals happening now and then. The dominant one would become submissive and the submissive one would turn more dominant. Again, this may not be permanent. In a few days, you might see a different trend.

All these can be harmless. You just have to keep watching, guiding, and helping them along the way. 

When is it Harmful?

However, there are situations when you have to take steps to ensure the dominant and submissive twin behaviour doesn’t hurt them intensely. 

• Physical dominance in twins has to be curtailed right from the start. As the twins will be spending more time together it can turn harmful at any moment. 

• Mostly, you will notice that the twins will overpower each other in different areas. For example, one twin can be physically and verbally dominant while the other twin can be psychologically dominant. But in some cases, one twin can be dominant in all three areas. This needs serious attention as it can affect both twins in the long run. 

• Also in certain cases, the dominant and submissive behaviour can become severe if it goes unnoticed or is not supervised or interpreted at the right stage.

All these can adversely impact the twins both physically and mentally.

What are the Effects of Dominant and Submissive Twin Behaviour? 

As we discussed above, dominance and submissiveness can be harmless yet can cause adverse effects in certain cases. So what effects can they create?

Effects of being Dominant

• The attitude to use violence as the first tool to fulfil their desires.
• Lacking empathy, kindness, and compassion.
• Treating people with contempt.
• Get impatient and nervous if their expectations fail or if they are not able to get what they want.
• Develop a fear of losing and anxiety.

Effects of Being Submissive

• Speech delay.
• Becoming reserved and uncommunicative.
• Not able to express their feelings and emotions.
• Not voicing their desires and opinions.
• Feeling frustrated or depressed 
• Feeling let out or lonely
• Becoming pessimistic

How can you Help the Twins? 

There is no common rule to guide the dominant and submissive twin behaviour because each pair of twins will behave uniquely. 

You may try to help them according to the kind and intensity of dominance or submissiveness.

For the Dominant Twin

You can teach the following to the one who is being dominant.

• If he is physically dominant, then let him know violence is not the right way to deal with any situation. Be strict about this. The child should know that it is never acceptable to hurt anyone to get something done. Encourage the child’s good behaviour through rewards and curb the bad behaviour through reasonable consequences. Don’t punish or spank the child. It will only make him act physically even more. 

• You can show how important it is to respect others’ feelings and rights. Teach positive traits like compassion, empathy, and kindness. Keep a kindness jar for each twin and ask them to drop a note saying ‘ I am a kind person ‘ whenever they act kindly. And reward them with small gifts as they fill their jars. 
• If the twin is verbally dominant, you can appreciate his or her support for the other twin. But also make him understand that he or she should allow the other twin to express his or her opinions and feelings. 

For the Submissive Twin

Similarly, for the submissive twin, you can help him or her to come out of their cocoon by assisting them in the following areas. 

• If the other twin is hurting you, you should know how to protect yourself.  Raise your voice and complain if required. Do not retaliate and hurt back your twin. Don’t yield to the threats. Seek the help of adults whenever needed.

• You should know your rights. You have equal opportunity in everything. So there is no need to succumb to others’ requests unless you want to do so yourself. Don’t let others overpower you.

• Voice your opinions. Don’t keep quiet and feel later. Act during the situation and if you need something, ask for it. Talk for yourself.

• Don’t hesitate to make decisions. No need to agree with whatever your twin is saying. If you don’t concur convey your disagreement.

You can even consider separating the twins in school so that they can develop some individuality without impacting each other.

Twins have a precious and exceptional connection. If nurtured in the right way, they can share a positive and unbreakable bond.

As twin parents, all we have to do is enjoy their relationship, keep an eye on their attitudes and help them preserve this beautiful twinhood without negatively impacting each other.

If you have encountered this dominant and submissive twin behaviour, please share your experience in the comments section. 

If you found this article helpful, please share it with your family and friends. 

Happy Twin Parenting!

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Image credits : Photo by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash